This is one topic I’ve been wanting to write about for a long time, and I don’t think I will be able to say everything I want to in just one post. The impetus, came from watching Oprah Winfrey’s talk show on “Marginalization of women”, aired on Star World (India) on 12th Nov night - let me start with a brief on the show:
The show featured Karrine Steffans (author of “Confessions of a Video Vixen”), Singer Pink (whose music video Stupid Girls actually inspired Oprah to have the topic discussed) and Ariel Levy, author of Female Chauvinist Pigs, and their discussions were centred around the changing perceptions of and about women in the US.
Karrine Steffans spoke about her experience as a dancer in high-profile music videos - she explained how such women were treated like mere objects on the sets, asked for sexual favors in return for video appearances, and exploited extensively so that the big-wigs in the music business could make big bucks selling them. The irony of it all was that the music videos exhibited the girls (such as herself) as sexually liberated, strong women who were in control of their lives while the truth was that they were all tottering on the edge of disaster - addicted to drugs/booze/sex and slaves to those who gave them work.
Singer Pink’s music video Stupid Girls rips apart the current teen celebrity icons such as Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson - blaming them for endorsing the concept of “Stupid Girls” who relentlessly starve themselves to fit into a size 0, do stupid things like making sex videos and wear raunchy clothes and compete for male attention. On the show, Pink clarified that she didn’t think these icons were really stupid - only that they projected this image because it sells… and with this, they were setting the ground for the millions of young girls who aped them, and believed that everything these women did was ‘cool’.
Ariel Levy criticised the raunchy culture that was making headway across the United States, where women believed that public display of themselves and their wares indicated sexual empowerment and liberation. She opined that men no longer need to be given the title of chauvinistic pigs, because the women were taking their place - playing into the stereotypes of sexuality (and encouraging it extensively) by being willing to be treated as mindless sex objects and stooping to any level to get attention.
Also on the show was a former recruiter for the Girls Gone Wild franchise - which made big bucks across America, making and selling videos of teenage girls who’d do any form of exposure and lewd acts for lure of 5 minutes of fame (and no, they weren’t even getting paid). The woman, whose job it was to encourage such girls to participate, found nothing wrong with it, because she believed that while she did encourage and cajole, the girls did the acts out of choice.
I don’t know if the programme was an eye-opener or any such sort for many, but for me, it was just a confirmation of some of the thoughts that have been going on in my mind for some time.
Female empowerment is a subject of many contrasts when it is applied to two diametrically different nations such as the US and India. Here in India, when we talk about empowering the women, we still have to talk about battling social evils such as dowry (where the bride’s family has to give substantial money/material goods to the groom’s family, for the marriage to take place), child marriage, prostitution, female infanticide and the like. Even though economic prosperity is slowly engulfing a part of the country, our enormous rural belts and their constant struggle for upliftment, ensure that in many parts of India, women still don’t get their basic needs addressed, and are victims in every sense.
However, putting aside all these for a moment, I had to wonder : Are women in urban India also being marginalized?
Sitting in a posh corporate office, in Electronics City in India’s very own Silicon Valley, I can be excused for being shielded from the actual issues out there on the street, and especially, having outgrown my teen life 7 yrs ago, I don’t think I would be completely correct in my comments on the issues today’s urban teen girl faces in school/college.
Nevertheless, here are some pennies I’d like to throw out (and you can come up with your own surmises about why I’m mentioning them here :)):
1) The ideal of the ‘perfect woman’: Women are constantly attacked (and petrified) by this premise - that of the ‘perfect woman’ [the 'bharateeya nari']: The ultimate ideal that is bestowed upon only a chosen few possibly - the woman who is gorgeous, elegant, perfect in proportions, the envy of every man in the world, yet… (and now here comes the contradictions) ‘homely’, ‘God-fearing’ (hehe :)), an amazing cook, a passionate lover at times, a caring soothing mother-like-figure otherwise, exemplary mother to her children, social busybody, empathetic daughter-in-law, contributing effectively to making the home a paradise - clean n neat, perfectly maintained, her womanly touches evident in its decorative style (and complete with a smile on her face, waiting to receive her tired, distraught husband at the door when he comes back home from work), and yet, yet, yet… a Career Woman! Okay, so not maybe an important career (similar to what her hubby dearest is doing) but atleast something to keep her busy so that she won’t whine/nag at the end of the day. Voila! What a perfect brew… ain’t it? Yet, do you think I’m only exaggerating? I personally know many women, working hard to juggle work n home, left feeling incomplete about how they do not measure up to expectations. Not many of them can afford the luxury of doing the things they want to do, because they are so occupied trying to complete the lives of the ones around them.
2) The Jessica Lal murder case recently took a fresh twist when celebrated lawyer and politician Ram Jethmalani came to the fore, in defense of Manu Sharma (who allegedly shot Jessica for refusing him a drink, in a bar). While I don’t wish to go over the nitty-gritties of the case here in the post, what caught my attention was an information that Mr. Jethmalani introduced recently - probably as a tactic to divert attention from the case into a different direction. Mr. Jethmalani alleged that Jessica had not refused just a drink but that there was a sexual angle to the case, and that her morality was in question. What I found deplorable was not that Mr. Jethmalani had stooped to such a level, but that this is such a common tactic in a whole lot many of the cases that involve women. Its almost a strategy - “raise suspicions on the woman’s character, and zip up the mouths of her family/supporters”. Once the morality angle is brought about, you can ensure that public sympathy turns away from the woman, and all support for her fizzles out because people are then afraid to be associated with “the tainted one”.
BTW, if you are comforted in the thought that this maybe only for high-profile cases as Jessica’s, then think again - even the women/girls on the street (your wives, sisters, mothers, daughters) often suffer abuse silently, because if they were to raise objections, it would probably boomerang in the form of an attack on their own morality.
Jessica must be turning in her grave.
3) Urban India is getting chic. More so because of its very young, fresh mobile-cum-ipod-equipped teeny boppers in the schools, colleges and yes, the BPOs :). India has an abundant youth population, originating primarily from the vast middle-class (that gets part of the credit for India’s slow climb towards economic prosperity in the last decade) - and these youth are the country’s hope - the torchbearers, the pathbreakers, the innovators. And since education and employment are still the focal point of this group, we can rest for a while, since we need not have too many concerns about wayward teens, … atleast not yet.
However, some disturbing images have stuck to my mind in the past few years, and as I mull on them, I wonder if, down the lane, we’ll end up facing the same issues as what had been discussed on Oprah’s shows. Most of the disturbing images involve young girls - I see them in malls, theatres, MG/Brigade Road - and what strikes me about them is their overt willingness to please the guys hanging all around (and over) them. Most of these girls are young, just into their teens and by their looks, gullible. I’ve seen many put up the “stupid” act (even though in reality, they may be anything but that), and it appears to me that they are afraid of displaying their inherent intelligence for fear of being branded a “geek”, and having men running far away from them. Many of these girls smoke and drink, and don’t know why they are doing it, or what it can do to them. Finally, the very lethal combination of the growing peer pressure, the lure of being branded “most popular”, “sexy”, “cool” etc., the over-exposure to media, celebrityhood and fame, weaker family ties / staying away from home, and addictions (smoke, drink, drugs, sex) make these girls easy prey… to anybody and everybody.
Are we prepared for this fallout?
Part I of this topic stops here (yes, I’m not finished yet ;)). I hope that, as I’ve used this space as a vent for my thoughts on this subject, I have also provided some fodder for thought for all those reading this space :).
November 22, 2006 at 8:01 pm
24 hours and no one commented. Ok so lemme start it…
I respect women. And I’m concerned about the way girls (and guys… but not our discussion topic here) are turning out to be, the way they ape the western culture, i keep on getting culture shocks by the stories i hear about them. May be I’m not cool or may be I’m too old for this.
I respect women. But somehow that didnt stop me from looking at beautiful girls and shamelessly enjoying their body parts if consciously exposed. Now you might tell me not to see. But if they were not to be seen why r they shown? I have asked this question to a couple of my girl friends, and one of them said “girls feel good to expose their assets”, another one said “whats so big about it?”. I made the question a bit more simpler to a friend who called me a letcher… “When all guys wear loose shirts why do girls wear tight shirts” they didnt have an answer to me. I’m not justifying my act though.
For the new generation its the mobiles, ipods, skimpy clothes, pubs, booze, drugs, smoke, casual sex, live-in relationships, swapping etc are the things which make them “happening”. In the coming years there is seriously going to be a (un) culture bomb explosion happening. We dont know what our kids are going to be.
I can talk about it a lot as i’m a victim of a relationship which went kaput coz of this new syndrome. Never wanted to talk about the girls’ part of it coz i was afraid that i would get pelted. As you have talked about it, I see a lot of swords coming your way from the new genaration sexy female fraternity.
About the ideal of the ‘perfect woman’ - its ridiculous just like the safe side entrance. My ideal woman is not the bharateeya nari. I respect them i told you.
Jessica Lal - Isn’t there anyone to shoot people like Jethmalani?
November 23, 2006 at 1:04 am
Skimpy outfits, and other peer influenced things are not just the issue with girls; in general we have similar issues with boys too. Guys spend more time in the gym, they drink, they smoke, they ride too fast to reach to their own funeral and it all sounds like I am talking my past. I do not mind girls wearing outfits that would make pretty portraits of them. The thing that does worry me is that often these are the girls that fall victims of the prejudices. The only remedy for that is, it should become normal.
In my opinion do not question the reality, if it is happening it is only for a reason. Girls are wearing skimpy clothes because our society is undergoing a change. When the society and culture evolves the survival of the fittest gets applied. How is the fitness measured varies according to the perception, but general measurement is what matters.
The other day, it was in the newspaper that we had 100% increase in number divorces year on year, though it was a meagre 3K marriages in Chennai took a horse ride to the court. But how many are still struggling inside the 4 walls just because our society thinks that marriages are made in heaven. In the so called developed nations, it is a necessity that girls dress to attract men. And men buy gadgets and drive expensive cars to attract good looking woman. They live in a society where half the marriages fail for some reason. But it does give the woman the independence, and they do not tolerate abuse like our woman.
Neither cultures, the western nor Indian has the perfect solution. It does make sense sometimes when divorce is a taboo if couples had to live in the constant fear of who is leaving who the next day.
What is good, what is bad, no body knows. Hence take life as it comes.
If you are worried about your offspring, I think you are forgetting that your child will be more informed than you are and will make smart decisions than you ever did, and if worse happen it’s not your fault.
There is no way that I can blame my parents for things gone haywire in my life. I am not as worse as my friend. He had a girl for years; he married her without the consent of his parents. The girl left him for another guy and that guy left her after she made a bump, and my friend is in courts, because he is the man legally. In the hindsight it is so easy to say, if only he had listened to his parents. I always believe that the lessons are not to be taught, but can only be learnt and he learnt the hard way..
About smoking:
I once went to a coffee shop (about 5 years ago) and a friend mine who was smoking pointed me to a girl who was also smoking and good looking. He was only interested in gossips and nothing else. Now should I have slapped him for his behaviour or should I admit his behaviour is putting an indirect check on girls going wild in Chennai? 5 years on — I still do not often get to see Chennai girls smoking. It does not mean Chennai is a city for orthodox. If non-smoking and non-alcoholic makes a girl well mannered then I am proud to say that our city has plenty of well mannered girls. But it would be naïve of me to get into such conclusion. Only individuality matters. Anyway, I generally hate the idea of people smoking and am also against alcohol irrespective of their sex.
About pink:
I like Pink’s videos, almost all of them. But, I cannot buy her comment that other girly videos are made to sell. Well she is not singing for charities, is she? She like others is also cashing on the confusion that would remain in every teen. Whether to be a stupid girl or a pink girl?
November 23, 2006 at 9:45 am
I think a lot of this is happening because parents 9especally mothers) are not spending enough time with their daughters and are not being good role models for them to follow…
November 23, 2006 at 10:42 am
I know that there are two sides of a coin. Cant really say whats the problem Or if this was ever a problem.
November 23, 2006 at 3:18 pm
Umesh: Hmmm.. controversial statements. Just what I was looking for
I think I’ll hv to break up my reply into different bits, to answer your comment.
1) Culture Shock: Yes, India as a whole is changing very fast, and while something like say “gay relationships” would have been a culture shock a decade ago, now I don’t think most people bat an eyelid… Personally, thou, I don’t get shocked too much, esp. w.r.t how we’re becoming more westernised, because I think to some extent, we are part of the changing culture.
2) Women Exposing: Well, this is interesting. And quite a paradox
You know, even thou I did mention exposure/minimal clothes while citing the discussions on Oprah’s shows, I didn’t mention them in the Indian context… partially because I still think we have some more time before things become exactly as they r in the West, and partially because I don’t think the clothing is a major factor… Per se, the way a girl is dressed may not invite trouble for her - however, she may be judged unfairly, or she may have people commenting on her clothes/anatomy or get atleast some stares/ogles. But generally, atrocities against women don’t necessarily have to do with the way they dress, which is why I’m not totally concerned about it.
I did mention smoke and drink however, because they are addictions after all - and that can do tricks with your mind and senses. And if you’re not in your senses all the time - its possible that you may end up in the wrong situations.
3) Should you stare at women who are exposing? Well, this is a loaded question. Here’s what I think:
The way a woman dresses may not be because she’s trying to expose/get people to look at those specific parts she’s exposing. Sometimes, it may also be because of her culture, and the way she’s been living her life. For eg, wearing something like jeans in B’lore is totally ok - no one here will look at a girl just bcos she’s in that attire (since it is very common). However, in a conservative village in India, everyone would ogle, and some may even pass comments on you, since they’re not used to seeing people wearing such clothes.
Now, a person who’s used to not being ogled at while they’re wearing jeans, will be distinctly uncomfortable and even offended when someone does so. And so is the case even for women who are wearing clothes that expose more than you are used to - she may be wearing it because she likes it, and because she’s used to it. And may get uncomfortable if there are people staring at parts of her anatomy. So you, on your part, would do better not to stare much, in case you are unconsciously offending someone/making her uncomfortable. (Or else you can be prepared for retailiation from her side :))
However, I also believe that women on their part should understand that, while it is okay to wear anything you like, its possible to have people commenting/ogling at you - in case you are in places where your attire is not normally seen - or whatever you are exposing is very interesting to the male population :D.
In case you are feeling uncomfortable/offended, and can retaliate, do so. Otherwise, bear it, because you cannot change the way someone else is conditioned either.
And, why tight clothes, or why expose… I don’t think all women can walk around wrapped in a blanket, so that people don’t look at them :). Wearing clothes is a matter of personal choice. While it is unfair to think that women expose so that men can look at them, it is also unfair to expect every man to avert his eyes. I would think that a woman who finds a particular man’s looks uncomfortable should have the gumption to tell him so.
4) Bharateeya Nari: Yes, it is a ridiculous concept. Which is exactly why I mentioned it here, and added in some sarcasm and exaggeration. Although I know that many men do not entertain this concept anymore, I still do see some inadvertant left-overs of this - for eg, I see that not many men really appreciate a woman who may argue. Or atleast, they mention well in advance, that yes, a woman should have ideas of her own, but she shouldn’t argue much about them. It doesn’t matter even if she’s talking sense/truth - the fact is that there is the hangover of the image of the soft-spoken girl, who’ll do everything the man in her life tells her to - the man in her life may be her father, husband or even the son. Personally, although I never endorse ideas like woman - man equality (since I believe that they can never be equal, each are different and unique in their own sense), I believe that it is important that every woman has her voice - and that she should be able to speak out that which she stands for/feels is correct.
November 24, 2006 at 3:30 pm
Balaji: Great comment
Again, will give out my thoughts on them, one by one.
1) “Guys spend more time in the gym, they drink, they smoke, they ride too fast to reach to their own funeral and it all sounds like I am talking my past.”:
You must hv had an interesting past :). Yes, I am fully aware of this. In fact, I was actually thinking of writing a post about the troubles youngsters today, go thru in general - including, as Rohini mentioned, the lack of good role models (but I wouldn’t put this responsibility entirely on parents). Getting into addictions, relationships etc. start very early nowadays - and I don’t think you can fully comprehend the implications of your actions or the repercussions (which can go on to haunt you for the rest of your life), at that age. As I said, however, my concerns would be content for a whole new post, so for now I’ll stick to the problems faced by only women :).
2) “What is good, what is bad, no body knows. Hence take life as it comes.”
I’m in complete agreement. I think accepting change in society and culture is imperative, for our predecessors did it too - which is why we live the way we do. As we were too fast when compared to our parents generation, I believe our children will live in a different pace too. After all, why do they call it a “Generation Gap”. I personally, don’t have any fears for the way my children will grow up/problems that they will have to face - it will be part of their natural progression, and I think that I as a parent will only have to be an imperceptible guiding factor (and role model), than someone who monitors every move of theirs. Choices will have to be made by them (we as parents, can only lay the ground rules).
3) “If non-smoking and non-alcoholic makes a girl well mannered then I am proud to say that our city has plenty of well mannered girls. But it would be naïve of me to get into such conclusion. Only individuality matters.”
I don’t think I ever said that I think less of the girls only because they smoke/drink (or that girls who don’t do either of these are wonderful).
What concerns me about them is the age where they’re doing it and the reason. Irrespective of sex, if a person chooses to smoke / drink because that is what they want to do, then I would leave it as a matter of personal choice - I would assume that they do it because they understand why they’re doing it and also what its implications could be (with regard to health).
My reasoning is that these teenage girls do not really do it bcos of either of these factors, but instead, because it labels them as ‘cool’ and ‘open’. And while they’re drunk, they become quite unmanageable (which is what I observed). Many times, I’ve seen intoxicated girls throw themselves on guys, and allow inordinate amount of physical contact with them, in public. The distance from the pub to the bed seems much smaller, in such cases. And eventually, many cases end up in a hospital. An unwanted pregnancy, or contracting STD, is not what I would ever wish on these girls (and in fact, on any woman). Same goes with the boys - I don’t think boys aged 16-20 should be saddled with worries about fathering a child/contracting a disease, instead of thinking about their future/careers.
As a closing note, in general, I also dislike smoking and drinking. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people would, knowingly use stuff that harm their health and body. It is as if, over-eating, caffeine, sedentary lifestyles, lack of exercise, bad genes, pollution, pesticides, adulterated food etc are not enough factors for increasing the disease rate. I also find it funny that social gatherings (and most peer-groups) endorse smoking/drinking, instead of much more healthy pursuits such as health, fitness and a clear, clean, productive mind.
November 27, 2006 at 11:10 am
Wish you a very happy birthday Shikha!
November 27, 2006 at 5:34 pm
Cribananda: Thank you
December 6, 2006 at 7:14 am
You’ve posted on November 21 and I’m seeing it just today! The visitor is clearly not doing his/her job.
Well shikha - the topic itself is quite complex and has too many dimensions to it than can be addressed in one post. Somehow reading through the post I was not able to get a single line of thought; a bit here, a bit there and so on. It seemed more of a “thinking aloud” done by you. So the post as a whole is kind of fuzzy, in what it is trying to convey. This maybe because, the topic is one where opinions hold sway (and everyone has their own value systems). Or you are yourself a victim of the fast changing value system (where you dont know where you stand - in terms of what is right and wrong). I personally think that there is no right/wrong answer to this issue. I agree with Balaji on the point that we should take it as it comes. The human race (society) has existed for several milennia before we came, evolved over time, and will also continue to exist (hopefully) after we leave. So one has to take the view that whatever is the current (value) system is the best possible (stability wise). Of course, taking the view that “I cannot, as a person, make a difference, so why should I bother?” is also not desirable. A societal value system is the result of clash of several such individual opinions, and is put in place by those having the power/authority. So it all comes down to the issue of having an opinion and also having the requisite power to enforce it. In that sense, voicing of individual opinions and seeking support for it does matter, because only then can we have a value system that represents majority opinion.
Looking forward to your further posts in this series.
-V
PS: Wishing (though late) you a very happy birthday and wonderful year ahead.
December 8, 2006 at 9:39 am
Do have a look at a post by Manjula on the question of wearing veils. It also raises questions of what is ‘normal’ for a person.
-V
December 8, 2006 at 9:48 am
I forgot the link and hey, why has my previous comment not appeared? Veils and Questions.
-V
December 8, 2006 at 10:35 pm
BBC report on woman getting drunk and being a problem. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6213686.stm
December 10, 2006 at 2:22 pm
The entire argument is bogus. The trading of sexual favors is actually something that’s favorable to females when it comes to climbing up the ladder. If every female refused it, then it would automatically stop, but the thing is, women prefer the easy route of social-climbing-in-exchange-of-sex, and that’s why it exists.
Ultimately it boils down to the fact that women have two choices to be recognized:
a) Through getting sexually exploited.
b) Having real talent.
As far as men r concerend, the option a) is not available, and they have to make it in the business based on their talent alone.
December 10, 2006 at 11:49 pm
ligesh, I am afraid I sound offensive, but what are you talking about?
Sexual favors in exchange for a shortcut to climb up the ladder — is just not woman only thing. Sexual harassments, is a huge problem — it haunts both the sexes, unless you are naive to come to a conclusion as you suggested.
December 13, 2006 at 12:41 am
For the record I am a NRI in US, married and I have a little 2 year old and I am a guy. I am mentioning this so that you can understand the perspective from where I am seeing things. Here’s my take on few of the things you have mentioned.
1) I totally accept the fact that career women are treated unfairly in our system. Every man should try to help his wife as much as they can to have a smooth solid relationship. This is one of the reasons why you see a lot of divorces here in US. Men just don’t help out much and it is left to the women to do both household chores and also work full time.
So after a few years of marriage, women just decide that they are better of living on their own. Hence there is a high rate of single parent in the US. But women in India are afraid to do the same thing because the society will treat them like crap if they do that. I think that has to change. In India we live in a ‘cocoon’ called a society. We are always worried about what other think of us when we cross a preset line.
As far as I am concerned relationship is mutual. Men have to help women as much as they can. Remember that your child is going to look up to you. So if you set an example, your child is probably going to do the same thing to his wife. That’s how you bring about change.
‘You must be the change you wish to see’- Gandhi
2) I think your thoughts about Paris Hilton exposing etc… is very common in entertainment field. Be it India or US, I think it’s probably same. I think it’s the responsibility of the parents and the society to ensure that their kids take the right things and leave the bad. But after a certain age I think if the kid still makes bad judgment, the kid is entirely to blame and not the parents. They will eventually face its consequences and learn from it. There will always be some bad apples in the society. There is pretty much nothing we can do about it.
December 13, 2006 at 11:39 am
Ram well said.
We need bad apples to sort and find the good ones, don’t we?
December 15, 2006 at 8:39 am
Visitor: Welcome back!! My blog was feeling a little lonely without your comments
I knew I could count on you to track the difference in this post in terms of parallel lines of thought from me :). That was actually intentional. This is a subject I’ve been feeling a little strongly about for sometime, and in fact, its not just marginalization of women, but I generally side with anything I feel exploits a human being… be it male or female.
When I thought of writing a post on the topic “Marginalization of Women”, I started off with wondering what all I, as a person, would deem as “marginalization”. It would have been easy to talk about those commonly-agreed-upon issues which women face (eve-teasing/molestation/social-evils etc.) but I realized that what really bothered me as an “Urban” woman, are the finer nuances of sexism that we see in daily life. People are forever professing on “What women should do”, “how they should look”, “how they should behave” etc. I don’t believe in stereotypes of any kind - whether it applies to men or women. According to me, each individual is different (and beautiful), in a unique way. It is their inherent nature that they should project, instead of a mask which society forces them to put on. And we as women, are so caught up in trying to be something we may not be (just so that we conform to the agreed notions of how women should be), that we’re probably not even realizing just when and where we lose our soul.
My tirade is not against men, or women for that matter, but against the collective consciousness of our society. My post was an attempt to throw out ideas for debate, and as food for thought. I did not wish to elaborate upon my stand (although I did clarify some part of it in the 3rd point and in the comments), because it is not my own line of thinking that I wanted to broadcast (or get people to agree upon), but rather, my intention was to get people who read this post, to think and to react. I believe that both the sexes need to take a good look at the way they function in day to day life and think “Am I part of this marginalization? Am I expecting too much of a person/myself just because I was made to believe that they should behave this way? Am I casting unnecessary aspersions on a person based on their sex? Am I going with the flow, defying my own natural instinct, to become part of a mindless, empty shells of people who don’t think and only act?”.
This post was only the start of that line of thought :)… and although I wanted to throw out some more of what I felt was disturbing, I thought I’d wait till I get some interesting comments, which I did
BTW, maybe you’d also like to have a dekko at a post I’ve written with similar content, on my previous blog : http://shikha.tblog.com/post/1969875387. I guess that was probably the precursor to this one
December 15, 2006 at 11:38 am
Visitor: Unfortunately, the new WebSense policy in my office is blocking almost all blog access (meaning all blogspot.com sites are blocked), and so is wordpress.com (thankfully xxxx.wordpress.com is not blocked so atleast I can read wordpress blogs) and another blog hosting sites - which means that I have to comment on my own blog like an outsider :(… and I cannot edit my previous comment, in which I forgot to add the
“P.S. Thank you for the wishes” :).
Veils and Questions is an interesting article. I think Manjula also was following a strategy similar to mine, in terms of throwing out a lot of questions/ideas, which would make them open to debate. I would have liked to comment on her post, but that’ll have to wait till I get into some net cafe late in the evening.
I loved her concept of the “inverted veil”, and I extend that to a “veil over the mind” itself - which I was targetting in my post. As for the actual article about the veil, here is my two pence:
I grew up (did my schooling) in Saudi Arabia, which is an Islamic country, known for its rigidity when it comes to religious rules and regulations. When my mother and I started staying in the country in 1984, Indians were not required to wear the black burkha (also known as abaaya), but just cover themselves with the sari itself and not show too much of skin. There was no head cover required too. I went to school wearing the uniform, and it was fine to be seen in public like that. The Arab women were however, wearing their traditional pieces of clothing, including the niqab. Other country women, like say the Sudanis, who wear a much longer form of sari, used to wrap themselves from head to toe, but in their colorful saris.
During the Gulf War, the situation changed dramatically, because of the US women troops who had come to Saudi (to fight the war) - Muslim religious priests in Saudi found their way of clothing a little too abominable (the women were wearing shorts in public :)), and the rules were tightened thereafter - Indians were also required to be wearing the burkha, and girls from the age of 11/12 were not to be seen in public without the burkha on. We also had to wear the hijab (or scarf around the head) but thankfully not the niqab, and I remember wearing the burkha and hijab whenever I stepped out of my house, till I left the country in 1995.
BTW, all this background info has been given as a basis for me to expound my views on the subject :)… so bear with me here.
Personally, I never felt as much oppressed / strange in those clothes, as the author of that article - because I just accepted it with the old adage “when you are in Rome, do as the Romans do”. The author probably felt the way she did, because she was wearing it for the first time, in a country where not many people wore it, and where most openly showed disdain for it. She may have met up with the same response if she were to wear normal (read it as not-completely-covering-skin) clothes and walk on the streets in Saudi Arabia - because over there “normal” is to be covered head to toe (I am btw speaking for what I’ve seen 11 years ago in Saudi. I don’t know what is the state of affairs over there right now). So her experience should not be interpreted as the indication of horrific issues Muslim women are put through. They may have a host of problems (depending on the country they are living in) related to emancipation and/or freedom, but the burkha/veil would probably be not as significant.
As for my take on the million-dollar question - should or should not women wear veils? I think it is fine as long as it is a matter of personal choice. If you have a prejudice against women *choosing to* wear a burkha, someone else would also have a prejudice against women *choosing to* wearing bikinis on a beach. If the woman is wearing whatever she is as a matter of choice, I think we should just let them be satisfied and safe in their choice. Please note here that I am stressing in terms of choice - which is quite different from being made/told/asked to wear, or doing it to please some set of people/be acceptable/feel superior.
For me, women donning the burkha/hijab/niqab is okay as long as it is their personal choice - which emanates from following religious principles (again, there are some Muslims like Shabana Azmi who have stated that Quran/Islam in general does not require women to wear veils, but whether that is true/false is beyond the scope of this topic).
(For *me* again) This would be similar to other religious practices, for eg - Sikhs wearing turbans, or Christians wearing the cross, or Hindus leaving their slippers out before they enter a temple (or in terms of women - that Hindu women are forbidden to enter the temple premises while they are menstruating).
The only thing I am opposed to, is any form of dogma/dictate by a selected group of people in these aspects, which to me are linked to personal choices. Rules and regulations are fine, but it should not be used to cross the personal freedom of any single person.
I also dislike social consciousness of superiority over others because of the way we dress/behave - dress/rituals do not maketh any man.
Which is why I found Manjula’s questions also very pertinent… which are the real veils in society? The veils that are present in physical form (as niqabs/ make-up) or the veils on your mind where you tout that a particular behaviour is acceptable and look down upon everything else that does not make the grade?
December 19, 2006 at 9:38 pm
Shikha - you have raised several issues, questions, for which I think there are no easy solutions or correct answers. Your post on women’s day celebration (a very good read) in your earlier blog also addresses similar situations and throws up numerous questions.
Atleast I was not able to come up with any ideas. For a couple of days I went about without any answers. However your post did set me thinking and some sort of clarity has come about as to the basis of these issues.
All of them are dependant on societal values. As long as we (or each culture) were living in well-isolated areas, insulated from each other, the issues that one had to grapple with seemed to have definite solutions. In today’s world when conventional barriers have been broken by growth in transportation and communication, the issues have become less tenable for easy solutions - for what may seem right as per one set of values may clash with another set (someone else’s) of values.
It is for the crusader to take up the challenge and mould future societal values into a ‘desirable’ one. I am follower, who follows the strong ones, who have been able to convince me of the desirability of their objectives.
I dont know if I have conveyed what I wanted to convey; I guess my mind is still a jumble of different ideas. Thanks for kindling my thought processes.
More on your experience of wearing the burkha. In principle I agree with what you have to say. It’s again a question of how much respect and tolerance that we have for each other’s beliefs and cultures. In the absence of tolerance, mutual give and take etc., there will always be conflict, between countries, communities, religions, as at the micro-level even within the family. You have quoted Shabana Azmi as saying that it is not required that women wear veils - that reminds me of another sentiment expressed by her - something to the effect that fundamentalism has no colour or religion.
I enjoyed writing that
(thanks for initiating the debate and also providing web-space).
December 23, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Visitor: I’m quite glad that you spent some time thinking and I enjoyed reading the outcome of your thought processes :).
Yes, as you said, these issues have definitely lost a lot of clarity because of the increasing change in perception and the social mindset - which is an obvious outcome of globalization. There is also the fact that we no longer belong to a particular ‘place’ completely - Indians (also) have become travellers, and as we travel, interact and mix, we imbibe so many different value-systems, that it becomes difficult to retain a singular line of thought about an issue, without wondering if we’re contradicting ourselves.
Finally, however, what matters is what you (as an individual) are comfortable with. It is only important to know ourselves whether we’re living our lives in ignorance, or going along with any cause because that is what we believe in genuinely.
Thoughts have a lot of power: every thought, constructive or destructive, leaves an imprint on life, and any belief originates as a thought. So societal beliefs/values are ultimately the collective thought of the individuals that make-up that society (like the analogy of drops of water forming an ocean).
Which is why, there is no need for a crusader… there is only need for new thoughts. There is only need for every individual to mould their own set of values. Ideally no crusader can (and should be able to) convince you of their objectives unless those objectives are processed as thoughts in your mind and resonates with your being - after which you may/may not adopt them as your own. So in effect, even if you perceive yourself as a follower, the truth is that the moment you start processing ideas in your mind, they become part of *your* value-system, that finally contribute to forming the value-system of the society you live in.
The only important thread here is that we always remember to think for ourselves and assume responsibility for our part in developing social consciousness.
December 26, 2006 at 12:12 pm
Have you visited Boo?
A related link: Street harassment and Me.