Make life count

*Sigh*. What a wonderful feeling it is table to observe silence in your ears, interrupted only by faint squeaks of far away squirrels, or the occasional chirp of a bird on a tree nearby. Luxuries beyond definition.

When your day begins with the sound of your mobile alarm rudely awakening you from a deep slumber, accompanied by your involuntary groan at facing a new day of work, you know that life isn’t all it is made out to be.

Ambition is overrated in today’s world. From childhood, you’re taught to battle with life’s forces, stomp out your competition, push yourself to the extreme and prove to be the ultimate survivor. Ride a wave of glamour, glitz, fame, money and power. Reduce your hours of sleep, make each moment count and let the world huff and puff to keep up with your steep rise.

Even if it means that your head is constantly cluttered with useless information, almost making you think you’ve become a schizophrenic. And making you forget all of that which really matters. You eat food so fast that you’ve forgotten what makes any meal distinct – the taste doesn’t count anymore, does it? – only time does. The bags under your eyes, your constant respiratory ill health or the digestive tablets you pop by the dozen are all hidden from the glare of your followers. Somewhere a secluded doctor is privy to the depressing problems of your body combating with your lifestyle.

Take it easy, buddy. Life can wait. Time can wait. People can wait.

YOU matter. Your happiness matters.

And the realization that your happiness may not be what the world defines as happiness also matters. In the long run, yes, it will matter that you have survived. But it will also matter HOW you have survived.

Making today’s time count is important. Making your life count is more important. Don’t drive yourself up a wall where you’ve finally nowhere to go but straight down.

Wake up in the morning - tomorrow morning – and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Ask yourself, “are you okay?” “Are you feeling good?”

Spend some moments to savour your feeling about yourself. Savour your realization that you want to make life easy and good for yourself. You want to make that effort. Only because you are the most important person in this world. To you.

And also because you will never be able to give to someone else, unless you have given to yourself. Your friends, your family, your spouse, your kids, your colleagues, your work, your boss – everyone is counting on you to keep yourself happy. Because if you are unhappy it will show up on all of them. If you have catered to your needs, you will be more willing to cater to theirs.

Ask yourself therefore: “what is my need?”

Do you yearn for time? Drop thoughts of your work and backlog – or maybe family pressures and commitments. Go, take a walk – somewhere where you can see and hear nature, possibly breath in fresh waves of air and feel your mind soar as your lungs expand. Don’t let thoughts clutter your mind. Occupy yourself with the present and your basic need to enjoy the moment.

Do you yearn for love? Go find it. Find it in the arms of a lover in your life, who’s ceased to occupy your formost thoughts - yes, there was love sometime in your life. Just that your drive for success has blocked that primal need too.

Or maybe you still don’t have a lover – if there is someone nearby who could fit the bill, go tell him or her how you feel. That takes quarter of the effort of having to keep your emotions bottled up within you.

And if you don’t have anyone at all, well, what the hell. Find friendship. Friendship eases even the most difficult of pains. Sob on the shoulder of a friend if you’re sad. Or better still, go get you and your friend large buckets of icecream. Crash on a sofa and watch your favourite comic movie. Healthy doses of laughter, and you’re left feeling fit and fine in a jiffy.

Connect with your emotional and physical selves. Hug your parents, and don’t say anything. Stop giving vent to the need the fill out verbal voids with nonsense. Ask your mother to rest her tired head on your lap, and gently let her know that you’re there for her. Place your hand on your father’s back, and soothe him silently - almost unconsciously.

Watch your little child play and let him/her/them use you like an amusement ride – climbing and running amok – nothing can gladden you like the pitter patter of tiny feet/hands – amidst of course, your groans of pleasurable pain. Take your teenage daughter/son out somewhere, where you both can connect – listen to him/her without judgement, and let them know that whatever goes wrong in their lives, you are there for them. Do you have a spouse who’s been with you for years, and you haven’t told them the magical three words lately? Say it now. And mean it. Marriage bonds two people in a way not even a blood relation can – it is the most precious of relationships. Make it count.

Make life count. Good day everybody

 

P.S. Want to know what I’m doing as I write all of this? I’m in a room, glittering with the light of the morning sun. The air is fresh, smelling of beautiful blossoms somewhere. Outside the window, squirrels hop along trees, and birds chirp their music. Occasionally, the sound of a train passing by, talks of people’s journeys. Journeys of life…

Happy New Year!!

Welcome 2007, and to all those of you, who’re reading this post, Happy New Year!!! :).

Here’s wishing all of you a wonderful, productive, thrilling and entertaining year ahead!!!

2007 promises to be an important year in my life… what with lots of professional and personal changes on the horizon. I don’t have any material/physically quantifiable resolutions yet, and generally never do, since I doubt my ability (*smirk*) to stick to them with a steadfast resolve.

Instead, (as is my practice), I do a mental review of my life in the past year, and wonder if there are any regrets / emotional burdens that I do not wish to carry into the new year, or any profound lessons that I’ve learnt. And while I analyze my actions / in-actions in a whole year, I also grade myself on how much of a better person I have become - sort of a soul analysis :). 

I’ve realized over time that this activity is quite spiritually rewarding, because it keeps me rooted, gives me insights about myself, and provides a chance to correct, to repent and to move forward, as a person. 

As part of the activity, I put forth for myself some behavioural resolutions - rather like a set of moral do’s and don’ts for me -  which I believe are important, and hope to practice everyday of my future life. And since this post is about New Year and resolutions, I thought of sharing some of these - in the hope that it will benefit one or more people out there, in their path of personal growth, re-discovery of happiness and peace, thereby making them better persons who truly embody the human spirit. And so *Drum roll*… here are my resolutions:

1. Say “Thank you” (and be truly thankful) anytime you are in the receiving end of a service (however insignificant it may be): Of course, with very close friends/family, it is often not expected, and may be met with resistance/surprise. However, it is a good thing to practice saying “Thank you” because it goes a long way in instilling gratitude in you, and will ensure that you don’t take anything for granted.
2. Take time to notice the wonderful aspects of the people you love, and the people who love you: Take a moment (or more) to wonder when was the last time you genuinely appreciated some aspect of (one or more) people close to you.
3. Say “Sorry” with real feeling, instead of just as a word which is used to expect excuse for any kind of behavior or error. As much as possible, make sure you don’t get into situations where you may have to say “Sorry”.
4. Stop encouraging thoughts of worry, hatred and fear in your mind: Thoughts have creative power, and negative thoughts can eat the life, the essence out of you - making you physically and mentally sick. 
5. Open your senses - your eyes, ears, nose, mind - wide enough to notice the beauty of the little things in this world: sunshine and rain, colors, clouds and a clear blue sky, sound of water, the warm ‘n cozy smell of home, a child’s smile, innocence and love.
6. Stop saying “Yes” or “Maybe”, if what you really want to say is “No”.
7. Stop donning masks / faking behaviour, just to be acceptable to some people: Be yourself. If they’re truly people you need to be around with, they’ll appreciate you for what you are, than what you project yourself to be.
8. Be truthful to yourself: You maybe saying lies to the entire world, but please make sure you’re not lying to yourself. You’ll be happier if you are comfortable with yourself, and the whys of what you do, what you’ve done and what you’re going to do.
9. Stop ignoring your instincts and your feelings: Often, there is a lot of wisdom hidden in them.
10. Take the time to feel connected: to yourself, to people, to nature, to the world, and to the universe.  You’ll realize that there is a omnipresent, omniscient higher power that loves you.

Once again, Happy 2007 everybody!!!

P.S. Forgot to mention - my blog has got a new year present already btw :). It has registered over 10,000 hits, from the time I started it - which was June 2006. Yay!!! :D. Thank you everyone! - my heartfelt gratitude goes out to all the people who have read and are still reading, commented and are still commenting on this blog! I’m honored to have your virtual company!

Adieu, my friend.

 

Today, my best friend of the last 2 and 1/2 years, said adieu to my office. And in the midst of loads of work, crazy running around, directions flung left right and center, and mails flying to and from my Outlook, there is this silence in me that’s been weighing me down since the past 2 months, when she’d told me first that she’d finally found the offer she’d been looking for, and was going to put down her papers.

Today evening, as she sat in the chair next to me, as she’s been doing for almost every day in these past 2+ years, I just didn’t know what to say. The clock was ticking, time was running out, and I knew that soon, she’d be gone, never to sit in that chair again, never to be there for me when I come to office. And I filled the time with some inane talk, about some blogs I’d read, some carps about work and co-workers, and some general advice on what to do in her new company. All the time, I was worrying about my eyes betraying the truth: the vortex of emotions that I was actually going through inside.

I didn’t want to say it to her directly, because I knew she understood. Because that was the way she felt too. And saying it would be stating the obvious, and to me, an unnecessary way of expressing that which we knew in our hearts to be true. 

But I want to say those unspoken words here, in my blog; to tell her how much she means to me, and to relive some of the moments which made our friendship special:

I still remember the first time I saw you - I was one week old in the company, had made some quick friends in my team and was settled just enough - you were this pretty girl that had just joined the team - wearing a blue and pink, horizontally striped top, full sleeved with all her hair bunched up in a black clip - I looked at you and thought - ”must be an anglo” - cos you didn’t look South/North Indian. We met, and you said you were from Goa. And there it all began.

We were two people, from different cultures, different backgrounds, but almost identical in most of our thoughts. I would start to say something and before I’d even said half of it, I’d see your eyes telling me you understood, and your voice telling me how you knew. We’d sit on different floors, and think of calling/meeting each other at the same time. I’d call your phone and you would say “Lunch?” without even asking who it was on the other end. And many times we’d end up saying the same thing, at the same time - we were in sync

I remember the long walks after lunch, sometimes as an excuse to lose weight, and mostly to un-burden our minds on each other - we were after all, each others conscience-keepers. People would ask us - what is it that you people have so much to speak about - you’re always walking/sitting together, standing in the corridor, or sitting in the fire-exit talking. And we’d say: “and we still feel we don’t get enough time to talk :)”.

What haven’t we spoken about - our romantic fantasies, our dreams, crazy ideas, our families, work, co-workers, friends, our loneliness, helplessness, anger, fears, frustration, worries and the death of our dreams. Being each other’s psychological counsellor; sharing those tears that are privy to no one else.

People would tell us things and say “Don’t tell her about it okay”. The next time we’d meet, we’d laugh and say “you know..”. And joke about how anyone could think that we’d keep secrets from each other.

I remember the times we’ve been in each other’s homes, and the times we’ve gone out together and had fun. The impromptu trips to Domino’s Pizza from office (just when we felt like having a blast on our own), the parties, going to learn car-driving in Koramangala, hanging around Forum and of course, going to Hoganekkal. That was btw, the first time I really enjoyed travel. Sitting next to each other in the bus and enjoying the wind blowing on our face, sitting in the basket boats near the waterfalls, standing right under the waterfall, and getting choked and out of breath :), and lying, neck deep in the water around the crocodile bank. Two souls with not a care in the world… floating, wanting to be in the water forever…

I remember coming to your marriage in Goa this May, and having tears in my eyes, as I saw you in your perfect white dress, looking beautiful, standing at the altar, saying your vows. It was so romantic :), and I prayed that you’d live happily ever after.

Yes, I really wish for you to live happily ever after… and hope that even when you’re faced with the problems of the world, you find it in yourself to be strong, and come out of it.

Today, as your husband came to pick you up from office, I gave you a pat on your arm and said “When will we meet next? … I’ll come to your place next weekend”. You smiled and turned, and I went to catch the bus. You didn’t see the tears that I wiped from my cheeks, the tremble of my lips. I’m glad you didn’t, cos I always told you that we wouldn’t get emotional on the last day, as everyone was expecting us to get :). I put up a brave face and thought of writing all this, while I was coming home in the bus.

Of course, our friendship doesn’t end here. We’ll still be meeting, talking. And I’ll be there for you, whenever you need me, just like I know you will be there for me.

But, life won’t be the same ever again… We’ve shared some of the best times of our lives with each other, and all I can say is thank you. For being my friend. And for being there.