Adieu, my friend.


Today, my best friend of the last 2 and 1/2 years, said adieu to my office. And in the midst of loads of work, crazy running around, directions flung left right and center, and mails flying to and from my Outlook, there is this silence in me that’s been weighing me down since the past 2 months, when she’d told me first that she’d finally found the offer she’d been looking for, and was going to put down her papers.

Today evening, as she sat in the chair next to me, as she’s been doing for almost every day in these past 2+ years, I just didn’t know what to say. The clock was ticking, time was running out, and I knew that soon, she’d be gone, never to sit in that chair again, never to be there for me when I come to office. And I filled the time with some inane talk, about some blogs I’d read, some carps about work and co-workers, and some general advice on what to do in her new company. All the time, I was worrying about my eyes betraying the truth: the vortex of emotions that I was actually going through inside.

I didn’t want to say it to her directly, because I knew she understood. Because that was the way she felt too. And saying it would be stating the obvious, and to me, an unnecessary way of expressing that which we knew in our hearts to be true. 

But I want to say those unspoken words here, in my blog; to tell her how much she means to me, and to relive some of the moments which made our friendship special:

I still remember the first time I saw you – I was one week old in the company, had made some quick friends in my team and was settled just enough – you were this pretty girl that had just joined the team – wearing a blue and pink, horizontally striped top, full sleeved with all her hair bunched up in a black clip – I looked at you and thought – “must be an anglo” – cos you didn’t look South/North Indian. We met, and you said you were from Goa. And there it all began.

We were two people, from different cultures, different backgrounds, but almost identical in most of our thoughts. I would start to say something and before I’d even said half of it, I’d see your eyes telling me you understood, and your voice telling me how you knew. We’d sit on different floors, and think of calling/meeting each other at the same time. I’d call your phone and you would say “Lunch?” without even asking who it was on the other end. And many times we’d end up saying the same thing, at the same time – we were in sync 🙂

I remember the long walks after lunch, sometimes as an excuse to lose weight, and mostly to un-burden our minds on each other – we were after all, each others conscience-keepers. People would ask us – what is it that you people have so much to speak about – you’re always walking/sitting together, standing in the corridor, or sitting in the fire-exit talking. And we’d say: “and we still feel we don’t get enough time to talk :)”.

What haven’t we spoken about – our romantic fantasies, our dreams, crazy ideas, our families, work, co-workers, friends, our loneliness, helplessness, anger, fears, frustration, worries and the death of our dreams. Being each other’s psychological counsellor; sharing those tears that are privy to no one else.

People would tell us things and say “Don’t tell her about it okay”. The next time we’d meet, we’d laugh and say “you know..”. And joke about how anyone could think that we’d keep secrets from each other.

I remember the times we’ve been in each other’s homes, and the times we’ve gone out together and had fun. The impromptu trips to Domino’s Pizza from office (just when we felt like having a blast on our own), the parties, going to learn car-driving in Koramangala, hanging around Forum and of course, going to Hoganekkal. That was btw, the first time I really enjoyed travel. Sitting next to each other in the bus and enjoying the wind blowing on our face, sitting in the basket boats near the waterfalls, standing right under the waterfall, and getting choked and out of breath :), and lying, neck deep in the water around the crocodile bank. Two souls with not a care in the world… floating, wanting to be in the water forever…

I remember coming to your marriage in Goa this May, and having tears in my eyes, as I saw you in your perfect white dress, looking beautiful, standing at the altar, saying your vows. It was so romantic :), and I prayed that you’d live happily ever after.

Yes, I really wish for you to live happily ever after… and hope that even when you’re faced with the problems of the world, you find it in yourself to be strong, and come out of it.

Today, as your husband came to pick you up from office, I gave you a pat on your arm and said “When will we meet next? … I’ll come to your place next weekend”. You smiled and turned, and I went to catch the bus. You didn’t see the tears that I wiped from my cheeks, the tremble of my lips. I’m glad you didn’t, cos I always told you that we wouldn’t get emotional on the last day, as everyone was expecting us to get :). I put up a brave face and thought of writing all this, while I was coming home in the bus.

Of course, our friendship doesn’t end here. We’ll still be meeting, talking. And I’ll be there for you, whenever you need me, just like I know you will be there for me.

But, life won’t be the same ever again… We’ve shared some of the best times of our lives with each other, and all I can say is thank you. For being my friend. And for being there.

21 thoughts on “Adieu, my friend.

  1. Well, i hope you will get over it soon and will find a new friend at work soon. I know you wouldnt be able to replace your friend with another person. But life has to move on. Anyway she is not going away from the city. You can meet every now and then.

    Btw will you cry if i go out of bangalore? 😛

  2. Visitor: Well, I wasn’t intending the post to sound lyrical actually 🙂 – it was the outcome of a flow of words from my mind.

    Raman: There is more to a person that meets the eye? ;)… Yeah, I am actually intensely emotional at times – quite a contradiction from my optimistic, go-getter attitude at other times. I will get over it, I know… cos I also believe (and know from personal experience) that time is the biggest healer.

    Umesh: I don’t think I’ll stop missing her soon, because we really shared an intense friendship over the last few years – so there are going to be a lot of moments when I feel her lack. But then of course, all I’m gonna do is pick up the phone and call her :D. As for friends at work, don’t worry. I have lots of others too, so I won’t be lonely in any way. Rather, I’m concerned about her, because she’s going to be in a new place, and finding friends and a support system is important.

    Hmmm… Why didn’t you ask if I cried when you were *coming* to Bangalore… :D. Jokes apart, well, I might 😉 but you’d never know anyway.

  3. Well, i wanted to ask that. But i didnt, coz i was quite sure that you would have cried when you heard that i’m coming to bangalore. I also saw pictures of you going to temple and all to ward off the evil 🙂

    Lemme also tell you that I wouldnt like to see (see or not see) you cry ever in your life, so for that reason I might not go away from you… BEWARE 😛

  4. Life is impassive and unknown to the feelings, attachments and relationships. It just keeps moving on. All in all, life is beautiful and impregnable. You lose someone in your life; it plants new seeds for a tree of relationships. You just realize when things get mature. Sometimes I just wonder what life is. And each time I remember a favorite quote “Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get next”.

    But All along the way relationships are immortal, you just need a climate to experience warmth and affection in them. I am touched the way you had written this entry. Lovely and heart-warming! Thank you. I will keep glancing at your Blogs.

    God bless you!

    Best regards,

  5. Tofy: Thank you for the wonderful comment! I agree, life is truly beautiful. I think it is the surprise element (of not knowing what to expect) and the hope (that tomorrow is going to be a better day), that keeps us living life each day.

    “Relationships are immortal”… yes, what a wonderful thought actually :).

    I’m glad you liked my post, and that it had an element which touched you. I guess it just shows us the power of human emotions…

  6. If you do something, you just do it as ‘The Best’ possible. Hats off dear!

    Keep doing your best !

    And btw… cheer up lady,friendship grows deeper as the distance grows in miles !!!

    Also to mention, I’ve deleted my orkut account,but do stay in touch…

  7. See this is exactly the problem today….people dont tell each other things directly, but use blog to do it ….hehehe…chill lonely in space…u already call urself lonely…wat difference will one person do…and that too in office :)…if u think ur friendship is not going to be the same since u both have moved apart then it is not true friendship 😉

  8. Kavitha: 🙂 Thanks a lot! Really happy to see your comment. I am cheered up a bit… and yes, my friend and I still talk to each other for more than an hour, so that compensates for not seeing her in the office. I will mail you in detail… I have your email id 🙂

  9. Umashankar: I don’t think I need to tell her all this directly… our feelings are so strong that I think they speak more than just words. I was using the blog more as an outlet because it lightened the heaviness I felt inside of me :).

    And I didn’t say that distance would make me grow less fond of her, or that our friendship wouldn’t last – We’re definitely friends for life :). However, I did say that it wouldn’t be the same, because now we don’t get to meet as much as we would like too. Anyway,I guess we’ll get used to it finally, after all, that’s the way life is :).

  10. Initially wen i started reading it i thought ur friend moved to another part of the gurl…u certainly live in a dream land…but it is fun to read it none the less…some people express it and other just never let it out…life is all abt making friends…this is ur chance to make new friends…

  11. Shikha , You are right .The people who make most difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care for you and about whom you care , like your friend who just left.

  12. hey shikha

    wass happening…hey open a new section which dont not talk abt friends, movies etc etc…but general chat :))…nimma bangalooru henga eday ???

  13. Umashankar: I think Orkut would suffice for that right now :). Well, I’ll keep your suggestion in mind… Maybe someday later, I may do that.

    As for the question in Kannada, well, I’m as familiar with Kannada as I’m with Greek and Latin ;). But I have watched some Rajkumar movies (was forced to during the bandh that happened when he died – since nothing else was on TV) and I did understand the most part of it – but that was probably because I understood the actions. BTW, I think Rajkumar was an amazing actor 🙂

  14. Balaji: You’re absolutely right. I don’t think anyone can replace anyone else… I will make new friends, but she will always be there.

    Anil: Ahem :). Well, yes, Goans are special people… atleast the ones I know are pretty good. Had been to Goa btw in May (for my friend’s wedding)… it is quite similar to Kerala.

    LI: Well said!

    Kavitha: Yes, dear. Will definitely keep in touch 🙂

  15. Remember watching a lot of Rajkumar movies when i was a kid and when only doordarshan was available…for some reason i was thinking u knew kannada well…have u watched his 007 movies ??? that is the best…hehehe…

    Hey been very unsuccessful in finding u in orkut
    Too many shikha’s around in this world..and u say u r lonely in this space…find a new name

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