Life never really warns you enough for what you have to face. At some point you find yourself stumbling over the most profound questions and you realize that you never knew the answers. You never even knew that you would have to find answers!
And then there are those answers that you seek because they would help you understand. It’s important to know, isn’t it?
But life stuns you by telling you that you can’t have them. No matter what.
So you’re left in the lurch. Puzzled. Confused. Stuck. In a rut. (sounds familiar?)
As conscious, rational human beings, we crave a sense of control and order. Life instances have to go in sequence. Incidents must have meaning. There has to be a reason behind action. Everything must “fit”. You know that feeling of having watched a movie where some scenes didn’t just connect or characters didn’t have meaning, and you didn’t like it?
Yep. Life according to many of us, like a good movie, must connect all its loose ends, have a reason behind every scene and every role, and must have a moral.
Not dangling pointers :|. Garbage collection – is a must. (#techiespeak, sorry)
Or as it is popularly known, Closure.
By definition, closure indicates a need to have information that allows one to conclude an issue. I’d summarize it as that feeling that prevents you from moving on past something. Because you need to understand, you need to clean up, and you have to settle scores. Right?
So here’s how it goes: Find yourself in an unpleasant situation. Figure out what went wrong, explain why it was wrong for you, assess what triggered that wrong, examine in sequence from the trigger to the outcome, factor how that affects you, explain your stance, get heard out, listen to the other end(s), conclude on why it happened the way it did, and finally, shake hands. Or say, “we agree to disagree”. Once every piece fits in the jigsaw puzzle – that’s when you know you can move on. You’ve got closure.
The only problem is: life (and people) doesn’t quite give you the chance to close all open doors. Sometimes, doors are just meant to be left open. Not all scores can be settled. Maybe, just maybe… you don’t even know what the score is.
And maybe, you’re the only one wanting closure. The rest of the world has moved on :).
There is only one kind of closure: the one you seek from yourself. The one whose limits you define.
Ask yourself, what it is that hasn’t ended for you. Give yourself permission to acknowledge it, and observe it without judgement. See if there is more to your need beyond the need to be right, and to explain and justify. If there is more, see if you can do anything about it (see Minimal Effective Response)
Rewind, or forward through the movie and give yourself permission to watch it till you feel you can stop.
Moving on is not walking out on the movie. Moving on is stopping it, rolling the reel and putting it into the case, carrying it with you, and going to watch other movies.
Moving on is knowing that that particular movie is already part of your life. And knowing that while there is a story there, the moral you seek may not be in there.
Because actually, life does have meaning. Everything does connect. Just that you haven’t seen how it does. Maybe the movie that played out was a different kind of movie altogether and you never knew!
Stop interpreting. Just watch. The show will go on :).